Letter to Savage Love

as published on April 15, 2010

As a "not-stereotypical-looking" lesbian attracted to other "not-stereotypical-looking" lesbians, I wish EVERY "single and looking" lesbian wore something that said so -- like the lesbian reader last week who was thinking about going out in a "Single. Lesbian. Interested?" T-shirt. When I do go out to the one lesbian bar in my city, people look at me with that "What are you doing in OUR bar?" stare.
Show Me Your Status

There are nearly twice as many gay-identified men out there as there are lesbian-identified women. This fact alone is all the proof we need that homosexuality isn't a choice. Considering what shits straight men can be -- judging from my mail -- surely more women would choose homosexuality if they could.

Anyway, it seems to me that what single lesbians need -- in addition to dyke bars, internet personal ads, women's softball leagues, and cat-food aisles in grocery stores (man, those lesbian/cat jokes never get old) -- is a secret sign. I'm thinking something subtle, SMYS, not because I'm pro-closet, but because I'm pro-tasteful. Message T-shirts? Never tasteful. And "Nobody Knows My Girlfriend Is a Lesbian" T-shirts are very 1995 (and highly unlikely to get a single girl a date).

Instead, maybe all lesbians everywhere should start wearing a button. No words, just a solid color, something small and tasteful that could be pinned to the strap of a purse (popular with "not-stereotypical-looking" lesbians), the lapel of a jacket, or the belt loop on a pair of jeans. Thinking outside the lavender / pink / purple box, I think the button should be green -- green for "go," green as in "Go ahead and hit on me, ladies. I'm a lesbian."